Mental load by Dr Bek

The concept of invisible labour – the unpaid work predominantly shouldered by women – is well-documented. From managing household chores to providing emotional support during challenging times like lockdowns, women often bear the brunt of these responsibilities. And while there's been progress in recognising this burden, the scales are far from balanced.

I am going to give you some techniques you can implement today, to delegate some of this load to other members in your family. Remembering we each need to lead by example, empowering our other family members with the skills they need to take on some of the load. Doing it ALL does not help us or our families.

When I landed my first full-time job, the reality of "only" four weeks' annual leave hit me hard. Then, as a small business owner, the hustle intensified. And when parenthood entered the picture, it felt like my workload tripled. Balancing work, family, and personal life – it's a juggling act that leaves us wondering how there's anything left in the tank.

Mental load encompasses the intangible burden of managing the logistics and schedules of family life while ensuring everyone's needs are met. When this work isn't valued or recognised, it can lead to exhaustion and demoralisation.

What needs to change? It starts with acknowledging the mental labour involved in keeping everything running smoothly – the constant mental checklist of tasks and responsibilities that often goes unnoticed and unappreciated. Rebalancing this load is crucial for the well-being of female workers, leaders, and entrepreneurs who are at higher risk of burnout and career setbacks due to the invisible work they undertake.

Eve Rodsky, in her book "Fair Play," outlines three components of every task:

1. Execution involves physically completing tasks like laundry, cooking, or paying bills.

2. Planning entails the mental work of anticipating, deciding, and organizing resources for successful task completion.

3. Emotional labour involves managing feelings, providing support, and maintaining relationships while performing tasks, ensuring emotional well-being for oneself and others involved.

To rebalance the mental load, start by challenging past influences and outdated assumptions about gender roles, and actively challenge current habits that perpetuate inequality. Allison Daminger breaks down the mental load into four parts: anticipate, identify, decide, and monitor.

Practical Tips to Start Working on Better Managing Your Mental Load

Anticipate:

Establish a shared family calendar to record commitments and set reminders for important tasks. Hold regular family meetings to discuss upcoming plans and household needs. Keep a list of groceries to anticipate purchases.

Identify: Organise tasks by priority and delegate responsibilities to family members. Track recurring tasks to streamline future planning. Use checklists to monitor progress on various projects. Teach your children that housework is a team effort and establish a shared approach to household responsibilities early on to create a happier and healthier family life.

Decide:

Create decision-making criteria for routine tasks. Prioritise tasks based on urgency and delegate authority accordingly. Involve all family members in major decisions through consensus-building techniques. Communicate openly with your partner to ensure an equitable division of labour.

Monitor: Conduct regular check-ins to assess progress and address concerns. Use tracking tools to monitor household effectiveness. Foster open communication and celebrate achievements to reinforce positive behaviours.

At a national level, the Australian government is confronting the reality of gender inequality that limits our collective progress. While entrenched biases persist, there's a growing momentum to challenge these norms and create a more equitable society. As women juggling the demands of the mental load, it's up to us to lead by example, setting healthy boundaries and inspiring others to thrive alongside us.

About Dr Bek

I work with people who want to improve their personal well-being and interactions with others to feel more content and on top of life.

My practical strategies are tailored for clients who describe a feeling of languishing – having a pervasive or acute sense of being discontent or unsatisfied, yet unable to effectively move past it.

I want to help you to find ways to achieve your life goals without feeling you need to compromise your well-being.

• 30+ years of psychology experience helping busy people develop better skills to address challenges in professional, personal and relationship functioning

• Over a decade as a university professor teaching higher degree clinical and forensic psychology students and conducting research into human mind and behaviour

• Criminal behaviour analyst with an international and national reputation and a special interest in profiling and treatment of deliberate firesetting

• 20+ years as a military (uniformed) psychologist in the Australian Defence Force